This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
