I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
