she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
