Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
