I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
