Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
