Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
