Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
