Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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