I'm really into asian looking animals
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize