Are we in a gay sports bar?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
