David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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