You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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