so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
