Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
