Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
