So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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