DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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