help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
