very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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