I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
