i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
