I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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