and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
