I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
