update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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