that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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