Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize