I'm jealous of your bromance
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
