it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
