Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
