I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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