you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
