And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
