he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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