only you would photoshop your dick
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
