OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I looked at my own cervix.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
