why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
