So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
