No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
