oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
