even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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