apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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