i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
