Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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