Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
