Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
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Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
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And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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