I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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