hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
jump out the window naked night went bad
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
