Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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