I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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