where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
