considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
