remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
