I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
