Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
