It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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