Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dicks are not precious.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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