So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
