Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
