Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
