just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
