I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Girls should come with a carfax report
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
