I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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