Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
