there's paper in my vomit.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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