I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
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Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
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Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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