just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
