My liver just broke up with me...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book