The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?