even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."