Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
