From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight