I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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