oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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