I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless