I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
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You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.