My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.