My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.