I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.