Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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