i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.