first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My bed smells like the plague
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
