Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
