I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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