how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize