the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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