Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
