Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
