She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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