ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
